A great parenting book: Love and Logic: When Kids Leave You Speechless! Founders of Love and Logic and parenting experts Jim Fay and Dr. Charles Fay explain, "The most 'real' thing about human relationships is that you never get more of anything than you give to another. You never get more love than you give--more control than you give--more respect than you give--etc." This was one of the most profound insights I received from this book, mainly because it has not only impacted my parenting, but it has also affected all of my relationships. It's such a great reminder to focus our energies on what we can do, how we treat others, and how we love and respect--as this is what we can control and a central ingredient of what we receive. A must read for parents!
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Byron Katie, founder of The Work, eloquently explains, "I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn't believe them, I didn't suffer, and that this is true for every human being. Freedom is as simple as that. I found that suffering is optional. I found a joy within me that has never disappeared, not for a single moment. That joy is in everyone, always." I love this! "Suffering is optional." There are aspects of life that are beyond our control, but we do have the ability to take ownership of our thoughts. Our personal freedom can be dramatically impacted by modifying our mindset, our internal dialogue, and our self-talk. Simply stated, we have the key to unlock our freedom. Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Big Magic, explains of the wisdom learned in a wise, older woman, "She said, 'We all spend our twenties and thirties trying so hard to be perfect, because we're so worried about what people will think of us. Then we get into our forties and fifties, and we finally start to be free, because we decide that we don't give a damn what anyone thinks of us. But you won't be completely free until you reach your sixties and seventies, when you finally realize this liberating truth--NOBODY WAS EVER THINKING ABOUT YOU, ANYHOW.'" A fresh perspective--humbling, but oh, so true! Another key to our own freedom! I often think of this quote when I am confronted with a loss or unmet need or desire. It's remarkable how the absence of something can incite a profound sense of gratitude. California has been in a severe drought for years. During that time, no one complained about rain because we knew we needed it. Now, it seems, we have more rain than we could hope for, which causes us (myself included!) to complain about frizzy hair, cancelled baseball games, and weather that makes you want to take naps at 9am! This is a small, albeit silly, example of the many ways we, as complex human beings, take for granted the abundance in our lives. This applies to so much--health, finances, marriage, community . . . When we don't have it, we realize how grateful we need to be. So, the challenge for all of us is to remain grateful for our current abundance, and recognize that the absence of our desires can produce the fruit of a sincere and humble gratitude. This quote has been my mantra lately--"The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena . . . if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly." I recently added life-mapping workshops to my coaching practice, and though it is truly one of my passions, has required me to "dare greatly." For example, 1) reaching out to people to attend the workshop = not fun = daring greatly 2) creating a FB event page = not fun = daring greatly 3) marketing workshop on FB, email, and text with possibility of minimal attendance = not fun = daring greatly Now, please don't feel sorry for me. By the grace of God, the workshop went beautifully. However, I'm a hard core introvert and there were no guarantees--I constantly had to remind myself that "if I failed, at least I dared greatly." This was my standard, my mantra, my focus. I needed to know that in the end, regardless of the end result, that I had done everything I could. So, my question to those of you trying to live creative lives, those of you who are pursuing your dreams--have you dared greatly? I must confess. I’m a tree hugger—I love Christmas trees and anything that even resembles a Christmas tree! There’s something about Christmas that makes my heart skip a beat, or actually, many beats. I love Christmas so much that I actually start my countdown for Christmas the day after Christmas! So, needless to say, the fact that Christmas passes so quickly used to be very sad to me. Then, I realized that I can continue to celebrate Christmas as long as I want to. So, years ago, I decided to celebrate Christmas through January. No matter how much planning I do, I never seem to have enough of those sit-by-the-fire-and-stare-at-my-Christmas-tree moments. So, for those of you who don’t want to put your tree and all your decorations away, I’m with you. I support you. We can be friends. We are social creatures who create these traditions. Let’s embrace what gives us joy, even if it’s something seemingly trivial like a Christmas tree. How can you keep the spirit of Christmas alive? And, if you’re anything like my husband, how can you tolerate those of us who want to keep the magic alive? On a more serious note, simple pleasures are life-giving. How can you sprinkle your days with delight? My husband took this picture on my 40th birthday to show me that I was in fact having a good hair day. Yes, after almost 19 years of marriage, I have trained him well! J The funny thing about this picture is that (zoom in), you can see my untamed gray hair—you know, those hairs that seem to stand up no matter how much hair products you use. The fact is that I actually love my gray. And yes, I will most likely think this even after most of my hair is gray. You know why? Because, to me, gray represents wisdom, depth, maturity . . . and frankly, all the blood, sweat and tears one has lived through. I’m learning that this is life. Just like those stray, rough, funky, untamed, defiant gray, life has become a journey through which to navigate through all those pieces. Richard Rohr, in Falling Upward: A Spirituality for the Two Halves of Life, says, “the first half of life is to create a proper container for one’s life . . .The task of the second half of life, is quite simply, to find that actual contents that this container was meant to hold and deliver.” As I navigate through this second half of my life, I have a feeling that the gray—the rough-around-the edges, hard to control pieces—are part of my “contents,” the pieces of my life that I will not only accept, but that I will embrace. Henri Nouwen explained, "What is forgiveness? Forgiveness is to allow the other person not to be God." This truth is powerful and profound--a great reminder that in our shared humanity, we are all in need of forgiving and being forgiven. When our lives touch the frailty of mankind, my comfort is knowing that we are all human. How can we allow forgiveness into our lives? I came across this quote and was profoundly touched by the reversal of it's simple truth. When a loved one is suffering, we usually want to bring a meal, watch his/her children, or send a kind text. While these are all thoughtful gestures, what we sometimes miss out on is really standing with someone in their pain. Lending a listening ear, giving space to be silent, extending time for the loved one to either scream or cry--these are just a few simple ways we can stand in someone's pain. For a "do-er" like me, this is a challenge and a great reminder that sometimes "standing there" is the best way to express our love and concern. It seems that giving is one lesson that we are constantly trying to teach our children. Though we try to teach this lesson through example, we often try to explain the importance of giving. One day, my husband, Rob, reasoned with the children, "What puts you in a better place to receive, having an open hand or a tight-fisted hand?" We then went on to share that when our hands are open, ready to give, we are also in a place to receive. Sometimes what we receive is more material abundance, and sometimes what we receive is eternal, either way, we ultimately receive more. Whenever we engage in these discussions with our children, we are always moved to reflect on how we live. Do we live with open hands or our hands clenched tightly to our possessions, money and time? |
UpdateIt's hard to believe, but I have been in business for almost 7 years! As my business has grown, I have decided to take a break from blog posts and focus my attention on providing specialty services, some of which include Purpose Clarity Coaching, Life Map Coaching, and Enneagram Spectrum of Personality Types Coaching. I have received certifications in each of these areas (accredited certifications for CEU through the Center for Credentialing and Education). While I miss interfacing with you through this blog, I am excited to offer additional services to my clients. Please enjoy my blog archives. Archives
December 2020
CategoriesAuthorOne committed to processing truth, finding light in the darkness, savoring the simple, and living fully.
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